10 Things to Grab from the Hospital During the Zombie Apocalypse

Truly, I have zero qualifications to write about the zombie apocalypse. I don’t think about societal collapse as much as I should, and I’m not too handy with firearms.

Despite being woefully unprepared, I couldn't help but make a list of things I might want to bring along with me when the living dead rise from their graves.

Here’s my list of 10 medical necessities to grab from the hospital during the zombie apocalypse – from the perspective of an ER doctor.

1. Augmentin. Forget penicillin. Augmentin is one of the best choices as an oral antibiotic. It covers community pneumonia, GI infections, knife wounds, dog bites (and ironically enough, human bites…). It’s the jack of all trades.
2. Oral opioids. Let’s face it, you’re entering a world of pain, and the market for painkillers isn’t going away. These will be worth their weight in gold. (This message is brought to you by Pur-Doom Pharmaceuticals.)
3. Zoll defibrillator, battery powered. Essential to diagnose and treat cardiac arrhythmias. (“Bring ‘em back from the dead the right way.”)
4. Portable ultrasound probe, battery powered. A quick and handy replacement for xrays and CT scanners. In the right hands, an ultrasound can diagnose surgical emergencies like appendicitis or cholecystitis, as well as heart failure, fluid on the lungs, and pregnancies. (“Probe them where it counts!”)
5. Inhalers. Don’t let asthma get in the way of fleeing for your life. 
6. Ketamine. A powerful weapon, pain killer, and even operative anesthetic, ketamine is rapid-acting and designed for muscle injection. Plus, it’s already been battletested on the closest human equivalents to zombies: EDM rave dancers and Florida-Men high on bath salts.
7. Steroids (prednisone). Another ubiquitous drug that can treat almost endless conditions, including autoimmune flareups, allergic reactions, lung disease, and those nasty, itchy rashes.  ("Speaking of which, that's an odd looking, mouth-shaped rash...")
8. Epi-pen.  In the post-apocalyptic landscape, nut allergies remain as dangerous as the chomping dead. 
9. Benzodiazepines. One pill that can stop seizures, alcohol withdrawal, and crippling anxiety. (“Everything’s going to be alright…until the benzos run out.”)
10. Aspirin. Bless the ancient willow tree! Imagine if one pill prevented coronary disease, stroke, and blood clots, while treating joint pain and headaches? Aspirin is readily available, versatile, and has a long expiration life. It's fully endorsed by 1/1 Gunslingers from Mid-World.

Honorable mentions: things that I will absolutely hate myself for not bringing.

1. Sterile sutures 
2. Benadryl
3. Lasix
4. IV fluids 
5. Nitroglycerin

(Before you get angry, yes, multivitamins are a MUST...but I’m excluding them here as a dietary stockpile.)

So, am I nuts? Have I committed an egregious mistake? Let me know in the comments!